"For I know the plans I have for you."
"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." God's Decree. "I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you" - God's Decree - "bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it." - [The Message]
It's just that time of year. I can't help but reflect where I was and what I was doing this time last year. I was in the hospital recuperating from liver surgery, still believing that Victor would be healed. Even in retrospect it's still a jolt to my system...the grief seems like yesterday.
In the intervening year, I have experienced walking in the truth of "God's ways are not our ways" as well as learning to believe in spite of what happens that God says to me personally "I know the plans I have for you".
By early February things were going badly for Victor, but I couldn't let go. I realize now that he knew the truth long before I did...or before I was willing to accept it. When he became so terribly ill in February, every time I'd visit, he'd manage to get out "I'm sorry". I didn't know what he meant...I still couldn't let go. I thought he was apologizing for my physical pain...and possibly that's part of what he meant...but he already knew that his days were numbered and his time was running out.
Letting go is such a difficult thing. Letting go of our own plans and accepting what God has in store. Interestingly, it hasn't been as difficult to accept the fact of my now battling with cancer as it was to accept that Victor's body was not going to recuperate from liver surgery. Maybe I've learned from that experience. Maybe it's some other factor.
But whatever comes, even when circumstances seem to indicate otherwise, I have learned that God's Plan for me is meant for good!